5 Years

It was a the middle of the night. You never want your phone to ring like that in the middle of the night. I didn't want to answer it because I knew who was on the other line. I knew. Maybe if I didn't answer it would all go away.

5 years ago tonight we lost you.

So much has changed since then.

Your son got married. He did. He stood at the front of the room surrounded by so many people you loved and he got married. Your absence that night was hard, but your presence was felt. He had a baby too. Can you believe it? Your son had a baby, a baby boy. You would be so proud of him if you were here today. You would. We have created a really happy life together. If only you saw your daughter now. She is the happiest she's ever been. It would make you really happy. All of your children are happy. They are wonderful people.

Your grandson's name is Jack. He's nearly 19 months and every so often I swear he points up at you and smiles. Every so often I swear you're with us. I can almost feel you in his room sometimes.

5 years ago we lost you. I know you were ready. I know the pain you felt outweighed the joy. I know you tried the best you could to hold on for your family, for your son, but he forgives you. I know the pain you felt leaving so early.

I understand the love you had for him. That conversation we had in the car, I get it now. I promise I'll take care of him and I promise I'll take care of your Grandson. You never got to meet him, but he will know you. I promise.