First Steps

First steps.

We take our first step onto the bus full of fear and unknown, but somehow we make it. We take our first step into high school full of more fear and we make it again. And college. And our first job and perhaps down the aisle on our wedding day.

First steps. They don't seem to get any easier as we age especially as we sit curbside watching our flesh and blood take their own very first steps.

Jack is wa-wa-wa-walking. Every time I catch him in the act, I jump because it doesn't feel right to have such a little person standing on two feet (although I have somewhat nervously waited for this day to happen for two months now.)

First steps. He is walking. It is happening. His complete independence of me is over. Before I know it he'll be 18. Right? Isn't that what they keep telling me? Now if I can only teach him how to change his own diaper.

 

MAYbe we'll stay a while.

May is off to a fantastic start. We took a quick trip to Chicago region for a baby shower and to visit your Great Grandma. Her face lit up the minute she saw you.

You have that effect on people.

It's finally warm out so we're walking almost every night including tonight in a downpour. We both giggled as I sprinted through the rain to get you home. The minute we walked in the door, the downpour stopped and we giggled some more about how life can surprise you.

This is you at daycare. You're playing with your favorite little friend.

Just another day at the park. I adore this picture.

Sunday stroll with Dad and Johnny.

After Broad Ripple Art Fair. You were so HOT.

There's you're best friend again. I'm pretty sure you can say her name now.

Children's Museum.

Post downpour tonight.

On Mother's Day

If I add all the days that came before you up and multiple them by two, it still doesn't come close to describing the depth of my love for you.

If I could explain the pain I felt the day you got your first ear infection or tooth or bruise from your first fall when you trusted yourself to take your very first unsupported steps, it wouldn't come close to the way I actually felt pain in my chest like my heart may literally break like if you cried for 30 more seconds I may actually start feeling the pain you felt. I still believe in the connection we made while you formed inside of me.

You won't ever truly grasp experience of being a mother, but some day you may get to be a father and as you hold your precious baby on that first fright-filled night in the hospital, I hope it hits you, how much we love you. I hope that is the day you comprehend the depth, the pain (the good pain), the indescribable way you are humbled when you hand your life over to another person.

Because parenthood is the equivalent of your heart walking around outside of your body.

Be kind to yourself.

Be kind to the people around you.

Be kind to your mother.  

Thank you for this day.

A Thirsty Sunday

It rained all day, just a light rain as if the earth had just taken a short run and was only half thirsty. It rained so we went to the art museum and we took a walk in the rain. The minute I took you out of the car you squealed as the light mist drizzled your face. You threw one arm into the air and you smiled at me which still triggers small adrenaline shots through my entire body.

I told you this was my favorite place in Indianapolis, that it's a little different every time I come, that it's a place you can go in the middle of the day and if you're really lucky, you may just be the only one there in the middle of the day and you can pretend you live here.

Some day when it rains, you and I will go for a run and if we're really lucky, we'll be the only ones brave enough to venture outside in the rain. And it will be just us...you and me running through the streets as the rain thanks us for coming out to play.

The rain has always inspired me. Just look at the way it paints the world green.

Juice Feast-Not for Sissies

May 2.

Detox-food & social media.

We started a juice feast (not to be confused with a fast). At the moment I'm angry and irritable and all of the other things they said I would be. I have a pounding headache from caffeine withdraw. It's a stunningly beautiful day and I want to crawl into bed and shut the blinds. I feel fine when I'm drinking the juice, but incredibly deflated 2-3 hours after.

My motivation is energy. I need more energy. Our little family has been sick lately and we're sick and tired of being sick and tired (I stole this line).

Here is what I've learned about food. It's not just an act, it's a hobby. It's an activity. We don't do it to survive, we do it as a form of entertainment. I've been a little bored without food dictating my day, but I need to be bored with food. Food needs to be a necessity not an activity.

I have also detoxed from social media. After several texts, calls and e-mails from worried friends, I can assure you everything is ok. My motivation behind the social media detox is simple. I ran into a friend recently and as I was asking her questions I already knew all the answers to, it hit me. We have stopped communicating. No facebook chat, e-mail or text can replace a dinner catching up with an old friend. No tweet exchange can replace an actual hug.

So I suppose I'm headed back to simpler times. Cave man times...Fruit, veggies and face to face communication. It feels pretty nice to toss out a few addictions even if it is just for a little while.