I See You

Mom, I see you walking into work 15 minutes late. What color is your coat? Is it white or black? I can't tell because it's covered in dog hair because you lost your lint roller since it has recently become a favorite toy for your toddler. The options were freeze or dog hair and dog hair won. I know your kid cried harder than normal when you dropped him off this morning. I see the mascara lines in the corners of your eyes.

Dad, I see you leave 10 minutes early looking over your shoulder because you're torn. Should you stay and finish that project or should you beat the traffic and arrive early to your daughter's first recital? You choose the recital. I see you.

Mom, I see you close your eyes and inhale some vitamin D since you have a vitamin D deficiency due to the fact the sun hasn't come out in two solid months. I hear your child crying because they fell off the slide face first into pea gravel. You don't react for 10 solid seconds because nothing can ruin this moment of zen. I see you.

Dad, I see you racing through the aisles at Target screaming "No" or "Don't touch that" or "slow down". I see your blood pressure rise as you pull up with two boys in a shopping cart and vow to NEVER EVER EVER take a trip to Target again. By the time you finally pay, you are fuming and exhausted and defeated, but you still manage to tickle your 4-year-old. His giggle still make you giggle.

Mom, I know. I know you didn't sleep last night. I know you fell asleep next to your 15-month-old while watching Daniel Tiger on repeat because even if it is television, at least it has a good message. The world needs more good messages. And that manual about no television before two...it got burned with the stack of "What to Expect When You're Expecting." I see you.

Dad, I see you trade your beloved 1955 Ford collector car for the mini van. I know it's like you exchanged your man card for the keys. You just turned in your former self. You look a little deflated, but when your daughter runs up and hugs you and says she loves it, you get yourself back. She holds your heart in her hands.

Mom, I see you look longingly at that couple drinking margaritas outside on a sunny day. You long to be them for just that day...no checking the watch and calculating the babysitter total in addition to the date night check. No checking your cell phone obsessively just in case the babysitter accidentally burned the house down because she forgot to remove the cardboard from the frozen pizza.

Dad, I know. I know your spouse and your children are your priority. I see your extra hours put at the office because you're stressed about making the mortgage and still working in a promised trip to Disney. I see the pressure you put on yourself daily to provide for your family and still spend time with them.

Mom, I know. I know you are constantly questioning, am I enough? Am I making the right choice? Am I teaching enough? Am I setting a good example? Is my house clean enough or my car clean enough? Am I working too hard or helicopter parenting or feeding my child the wrong foods? Am I enough?

I hear you.

I see you.

I am you.