One Year

One year ago right about this time I was listening to the Pandora station "Calm." I knew life was going to change in the biggest largest mountain of a way, but I wasn't quite prepared for the change that was coming inside of me.

We were in the hospital and you had decided it was time to meet us (two days before your due date). I worked up until the minute my water broke (conveniantly at 5:30 pm in the parking lot of Mama Carollas).

A strong sense of calm fell over me in the most uncalm moment. You were coming. This is what I waited my whole life for. I was going to be a mom in a few short hours. Just like any trained athlete, I wasn't afraid of your delivery. I was confident and cool and collected. Then something went wrong. You were face up and unable to get through the birth canal.

Suddenly every moment that had led up to this moment felt wrong. Why was this happening? It wasn't supposed to be like this. I broke out in a fever (which is a red flag for any doctor). I needed oxygen. My body grew cold and I could feel myself fading, but I wasn't willing to let go. I had an internal pep talk with myself.

"Stay calm. The baby needs you to be relaxed so he or she knows everything is okay in there."

This was a pep talk I had many times during my pregnancy. The world could be going up in flames, but I had to stay calm for the baby. I was his or her protector. I needed to tell you everything would be fine.

And it was. You arrived. We had an incredible 60 seconds although for some reason my maternal instinct was to say "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," as you cried.

I didn't really want you to shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I wanted you to let it out. Tell the world you were here. I think it's because I recently watched "Happiest Baby on the Block." It felt right in that moment. I laugh now every time I watch the video.

And here we are today. You are now my ONE YEAR OLD BABY BOY. And although I may be choking back tears for the remainder of the day I want you to know I am so glad God chose me to be your Mom. You and your Dad are my greatest blessings in life.