I've been avoiding this post

I've been avoiding this post. I've been dancing around it, procrastinating it, ignoring the need at all cost. The wound is still slightly open. The cut is still pretty fresh, but when Jack came I made a commitment to myself that if I didn't have time to run, I would write.

This blog is about the day we found out my mom had MS (or so we thought). It's about the day I was sitting at my desk diligently weaving through my to do list and my phone rang.

"The doctor called with the test results. He thinks it may be MS," she said with a steady voice.

My world stopped.

"Ok," I said swallowing the golf ball sized lump back into my throat. "I'll call you in a little bit."

I hung up the phone, grabbed my purse and dashed for the back door without even shutting my computer down. My breath sped up. I threw the car door open, sat down and cried the kind of cry you never want anyone else to witness. The kind of cry you didn't know was inside you. The kind of cry that's loud and snot-filled. I cried an ugly cry. Looking back I am thankful for that first cry. I'm glad that cry happened because I could move forward from it. I could move past it.

When I pulled myself together, I picked up the phone and called Kyle.

"Hello?" he said.

I couldn't speak.

"Erin?" he asked.

"Yes," I finally said. "It's MS. My mom has MS."

He paused.

"I'm so sorry," he said.

I nodded my head. Kyle knows me. He knows me well. He didn't ask more questions. He let the silence fill the space. He didn't say cheap comforting words just to say them. He let our conversation breathe.

"I'll see you tonight," he said.

I nodded again and started my engine of my 2-door honda accord. Ironically my mom was at my house visiting us after a conference. I drove 20 miles over the speed limit to get to her and when I walked in the door I promised myself I wouldn't show emotion. I would be strong for her.

"So, what does this mean?" I asked.

"They aren't sure it's MS so I have to get more tests next week," she replied.

"Ok," I said searching for any ounce of logic.

"So we'll wait for those tests and we'll beat it," I said.

"Yes," she said. "I don't want you to worry, honey."

I know she was being strong for me just like I was being strong for her.

The minute Kyle walked in the door there was a light that entered the room. He had a movie for us. He made dinner for us. He even made us laugh a few times. As I stared across the room at the woman I loved more than any woman on earth, I saw a peace fall over her. An understanding that the journey ahead may not be easy, but she was up for the challenge. In that moment I saw a side of my mom I hadn't seen before.

To be continued...