I've been sneaking into your room late at night again. You look smaller curled up like that. I know that crib will soon become a bed and that bed will soon become a bigger bed in a bigger room far away from home one day. I know these things and I'm savoring this time with you.
Tonight you crawled up on the couch with me and nuzzled your tiny curl filled head into my arm. You giggled as I tickled you under your chin...the place that still gets you every single time even when you're upset. You laughed and laughed and laughed and I faded away to the most amazing space of motherhood.
I've been sneaking into your room late at night again because I know one day you won't want me there. You will want your privacy and that's okay. I want you to be independent. It is your right of passage. I want these things for you.
You've never been a snuggly baby, but when you're overwhelmed and overstimulated, you seek comfort nuzzled into my chest. If I could choose one place for you to be forever, it's there...nuzzled in my chest counting my breaths like when you grew inside of me for 2 months shy of a year.
I've been sneaking in your room at night to stare at you because for right now, you still look like my tiny little baby all curled up like that.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
So This is What It's All About?
Tonight you took me back 24 years at the sprinkle park on a particularly humid Tuesday. You took a little fall and were traumatized, but still didn't want to miss out on the fun. So I said screw dry hair and dry clothes and went for it running into the water just to get you to smile again. And you did. You smiled and threw your head back laughing as we spun around in the water.
The mature adults stared in disbelief as the water poured onto our heads like we were standing under a bucket of water. I received some blank stares from some women sitting in uptight self brought chairs. We laughed and laughed and laughed and suddenly it hit me.
This was life. This is what all the combination of moments that came before it led up to. Here on this random Tuesday at the sprinkle park...me looking a bit like a drown rat and your diapered body covered in mud from your fall through the one mud puddle in the entire park.
So this is what it's all about?
The mature adults stared in disbelief as the water poured onto our heads like we were standing under a bucket of water. I received some blank stares from some women sitting in uptight self brought chairs. We laughed and laughed and laughed and suddenly it hit me.
This was life. This is what all the combination of moments that came before it led up to. Here on this random Tuesday at the sprinkle park...me looking a bit like a drown rat and your diapered body covered in mud from your fall through the one mud puddle in the entire park.
So this is what it's all about?
Thursday, June 13, 2013
A Second Chance
Life is made up of fragments of moments. Perhaps in the interest of this blog, we'll call them seconds. Life is made up of seconds that smack us so hard in the face it's difficult to imagine how the cards fell so perfectly.
Like tonight.
Shortly before we were due to leave for a charity softball game benefiting Indiana Children's Wish Fund, Jack spiked a fever of 102. The doctor said not to be alarmed, that he was fine, but the mother in me didn't want to leave him in this state. I was already exhausted, it was easy to stay. It was the easy thing to do. My loving, caring rockstar of a husband told me to go, that I needed to see my marketing efforts through to the very end.
So I went. Alone. And as I'm sitting in the stands taking it all in with a great pride for the company I work for representing what we do best: care about people, Mason stepped up to run the bases. Mason uses a walker made for children and honestly I'm quite certain he ran the bases faster than I ever ran the bases. The more steps he took with his tiny body, the more excitement spread through the crowd. By the time Mason rounded third, almost everyone at Victory Field was on their feet chanting his name.
A reporter asked:
"Mason, how did that make you feel?"
His reply? "Like a real baseball player."
That was a second worth remembering, worth breathing in, worth documenting. Because here he is, a kid who never got a chance to be "normal" running as fast as his tiny legs would allow having one of the greatest moments in his life.
Tonight I sat on my front porch and thought about Mason and my tiny $3 donation and how I WISH I could have done more for Mason. I overheard some voices and noticed a tent pitched in the front yard of my neighbor's house. A little girl giggled as her Dad told ghost stories. And that was another combination of seconds worth mentally documenting.
Because sometimes you need a SECOND chance for life to smack you across the face and say "Wake up. There is beauty everywhere. Go find it."
Like tonight.
Shortly before we were due to leave for a charity softball game benefiting Indiana Children's Wish Fund, Jack spiked a fever of 102. The doctor said not to be alarmed, that he was fine, but the mother in me didn't want to leave him in this state. I was already exhausted, it was easy to stay. It was the easy thing to do. My loving, caring rockstar of a husband told me to go, that I needed to see my marketing efforts through to the very end.
So I went. Alone. And as I'm sitting in the stands taking it all in with a great pride for the company I work for representing what we do best: care about people, Mason stepped up to run the bases. Mason uses a walker made for children and honestly I'm quite certain he ran the bases faster than I ever ran the bases. The more steps he took with his tiny body, the more excitement spread through the crowd. By the time Mason rounded third, almost everyone at Victory Field was on their feet chanting his name.
A reporter asked:
"Mason, how did that make you feel?"
His reply? "Like a real baseball player."
That was a second worth remembering, worth breathing in, worth documenting. Because here he is, a kid who never got a chance to be "normal" running as fast as his tiny legs would allow having one of the greatest moments in his life.
Tonight I sat on my front porch and thought about Mason and my tiny $3 donation and how I WISH I could have done more for Mason. I overheard some voices and noticed a tent pitched in the front yard of my neighbor's house. A little girl giggled as her Dad told ghost stories. And that was another combination of seconds worth mentally documenting.
Because sometimes you need a SECOND chance for life to smack you across the face and say "Wake up. There is beauty everywhere. Go find it."
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Tuesday Thoughts
I took a random Wednesday off so I could wake up and spend a summer day with Jack while almost everyone else I knew had to work.
That day is tomorrow. I will surely document the day in pictures.
Today I tried ice cream they literally created in front of my eyes with liquid nitrogen. The experience was incredible, but the ice cream was terrible.
I found a book with pictures of babies from around the world. Jack loves pictures of babies. I love the world so the gift for $6.95 was 100% worth it. He smiled the entire time we looked at the book. I spoke in a ridiculously high pitched voice saying "Look at the baby" over and over and over again.
Mass Avenue is a great place to waste an hour on a Tuesday. I conclude this day feeling one very powerful emotion: relief.
Can't wait to spend the day with you tomorrow, Jack. It's gonna be awesome.
That day is tomorrow. I will surely document the day in pictures.
Today I tried ice cream they literally created in front of my eyes with liquid nitrogen. The experience was incredible, but the ice cream was terrible.
I found a book with pictures of babies from around the world. Jack loves pictures of babies. I love the world so the gift for $6.95 was 100% worth it. He smiled the entire time we looked at the book. I spoke in a ridiculously high pitched voice saying "Look at the baby" over and over and over again.
Mass Avenue is a great place to waste an hour on a Tuesday. I conclude this day feeling one very powerful emotion: relief.
Can't wait to spend the day with you tomorrow, Jack. It's gonna be awesome.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Sunday Thoughts
Jack,
Live a life rooted in forgiveness, surrounded by friends and doing things to help others. That is the secret to true happiness. If someone starts to impact your mind in a negative way, try to view this as a life lesson, an opportunity for growth and understanding. Don't drink the poison. Don't wish ill will on anyone. Wish them happiness and success no matter how they treat you.
This is easier said then done, but if you find a quiet corner and center yourself it may be easier to refocus your mind.
Go for a run, even if you hate running, go. Your body needs an escape.
Invest yourself in positive actions. Help people. Don't just see two feet in front of your own face. Be aware and step in when someone needs help. Often help is just a simple hello or short conversation where you listen more than you speak. It doesn't have to be building a home, saving a life or a missions trip to a third world country.
Be helpful to those around you. Be kind to those who are unkind to you. Start each day focusing on your blessings.
And don't forget to put the toilet seat down.
Mom
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
First Steps
First steps.
We take our first step onto the bus full of fear and unknown, but somehow we make it. We take our first step into high school full of more fear and we make it again. And college. And our first job and perhaps down the aisle on our wedding day.
First steps. They don't seem to get any easier as we age especially as we sit curbside watching our flesh and blood take their own very first steps.
Jack is wa-wa-wa-walking. Every time I catch him in the act, I jump because it doesn't feel right to have such a little person standing on two feet (although I have somewhat nervously waited for this day to happen for two months now.)
First steps. He is walking. It is happening. His complete independence of me is over. Before I know it he'll be 18. Right? Isn't that what they keep telling me? Now if I can only teach him how to change his own diaper.
We take our first step onto the bus full of fear and unknown, but somehow we make it. We take our first step into high school full of more fear and we make it again. And college. And our first job and perhaps down the aisle on our wedding day.
First steps. They don't seem to get any easier as we age especially as we sit curbside watching our flesh and blood take their own very first steps.
Jack is wa-wa-wa-walking. Every time I catch him in the act, I jump because it doesn't feel right to have such a little person standing on two feet (although I have somewhat nervously waited for this day to happen for two months now.)
First steps. He is walking. It is happening. His complete independence of me is over. Before I know it he'll be 18. Right? Isn't that what they keep telling me? Now if I can only teach him how to change his own diaper.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
MAYbe we'll stay a while.
May is off to a fantastic start. We took a quick trip to Chicago region for a baby shower and to visit your Great Grandma. Her face lit up the minute she saw you.
You have that effect on people.
It's finally warm out so we're walking almost every night including tonight in a downpour. We both giggled as I sprinted through the rain to get you home. The minute we walked in the door, the downpour stopped and we giggled some more about how life can surprise you.
This is you at daycare. You're playing with your favorite little friend.
Just another day at the park. I adore this picture.
Sunday stroll with Dad and Johnny.
After Broad Ripple Art Fair. You were so HOT.
There's you're best friend again. I'm pretty sure you can say her name now.
Children's Museum.
Post downpour tonight.
You have that effect on people.
It's finally warm out so we're walking almost every night including tonight in a downpour. We both giggled as I sprinted through the rain to get you home. The minute we walked in the door, the downpour stopped and we giggled some more about how life can surprise you.
This is you at daycare. You're playing with your favorite little friend.
Just another day at the park. I adore this picture.
Sunday stroll with Dad and Johnny.
After Broad Ripple Art Fair. You were so HOT.
There's you're best friend again. I'm pretty sure you can say her name now.
Children's Museum.
Post downpour tonight.
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